Just a few thoughts from the mom side.
You know those people who say, “if I had my life to live over again I wouldn’t change a thing”? I just can’t begin to comprehend that. Oh sure, I would never change the amazing man I married, my job working with kids, and the wonderful family and friends I’m surrounded by. It’s the little things I’m always reviewing and reassessing in my head. “Why did I say THAT?” “Why didn’t I do it that other way?”
I’m always feeling guilt (anxiety?) over past decisions and actions, ESPECIALLY when it comes to my children. Every insecurity they suffer or illness they’ve faced must somehow be traced back to something I did or failed to do when they were younger, right? And when they’re suffering with things that are hard to pin down and fix right away? Well, I should have caught it sooner. I should have seen those little clues like I can always find in the movies before it progressed to this point.
But I didn’t, and I haven’t been able to forgive myself yet.
Looking back with my 20/20 hindsight, I can see clues during her youth that my daughter was being occasionally visited by the anxiety monster. People would say “she’s a worrier” and “a lot of smart kids worry a lot” and I would assume the individual episodes were just that…disconnected episodes. If the idea of seeing a counselor or therapist was brought up, it would be at a time when the monster retreated and I would fall back into the “oh, she’s just a worrier” frame of mind and just try to keep things cheerful. Now, I wonder what things would be like today if I had intervened earlier. Did I mess things up for her?
Mom guilt can be heavy.
So, I try to help however I can. Sometimes by pushing her to just get out of bed already! (followed by guilt over whether she may just need that sleep this time), coaxing her to the doctor’s office, convincing her to try that medicine when all other avenues have been exhausted, and hoping one day to help her ease off that medicine when she doesn’t need it anymore. (Even mom guilt can be studded with pieces of hope).
Other times, over every guilty thought I have telling me to do the contrary, I try to help by not helping so much. Having to take care of yourself even when you feel bad is an important lesson too.
Mainly, though, I try to just let her know how amazing and strong a woman she is. Because you are NOT your anxiety, it’s just an illness.
Even if you’re not the one suffering the journey can be just as tough. If anyone wants to further talk or commiserate over this annoying parent guilt feel free to reach out.
💛 Momma Genta