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| Or for us single people insert the word friends or family for boyfriend |
Now that I’ve got my anxiety semi under wraps I’ve been focusing a lot more on my depression. This is also due to the fact that I can recognize now when I’m feeling depressed, whereas I couldn’t do that in the past. The hardest thing though is that I don’t want to focus on my depression. To focus on it is in my opinion to accept it and I have a very hard time accepting that I go through times of depression. I’m starting to realize though that I can’t just push it away when it comes or try to ignore it, because then it is just going to become bigger and want more attention. Just like when learning how to deal with my anxiety, I had discovered I had to create a relationship with my anxiety instead of just getting rid of it, I need to do the same thing for my depression.
To me though this is so much more difficult. With anxiety the worst that would happen is that I would have a panic attack or need to leave a situation. None of my favorite things, but all manageable for the most part. Depression is different. Depression is dark and terrifying and not a place I want to be. It fills my head with lies and tells me I’m worthless. I don’t want to acknowledge it but I have to acknowledge it to build a relationship with it. How do you build a relationship with something you don’t want in your life? It’s not fun and it’s tough. I’m still learning how to do it. How to listen to my depression and give it the attention it needs without letting it take over my life. I struggle with this especially when I’m feeling depressed. It’s so easy to get trapped and not want to fight to get through. My depression also takes so many different shapes and forms that it’s not a one-step solution. What may work one time won’t work the next and that in itself is exhausting. This is what I’m trying to work on right now, especially because I haven’t really been feeling depressed lately. I’m trying to acknowledge those thoughts, even the ones that are lies, and give them the attention they want but then put them to rest. I’m trying to communicate with my depression that I won’t kick it to the curb and leave it to fend for itself, but I also won’t let it take control of my mind and life. Like I said, creating a relationship with something you don’t want is extremely difficult, but I’m quickly learning how important it is to have these relationships with all my emotions to help me survive and be the person I want to be.
If anyone has any advice, stories, or wants to commiserate/talk, pretty much anything, please don’t hesitate to reach out. Depression is scary but as much as your brain is telling you you’re alone, trust me you’re not. I’m here for you and you are worth something.
Until next time. š