I know there are a lot of people like me out there who are still trying to process the tragic events that have recently taken place. From the Las Vegas shooting to the California fires, not to mention all the other things that aren’t directly affecting me, there is so much sadness in our world right now. I am really struggling with how to process it all, especially the shooting. I know we all process things differently but I’m still hoping we can help each other out, because I for one don’t even know where to start. How do you even begin to process something that doesn’t feel real? How do we process something that we will never understand why it happened? How do we process something we will never really have the answers for? How do we do it?
I’ve been telling myself that I’ve been processing everything and handling it to the best of my ability, but honestly I’m beginning to think these are just empty thoughts. Thinking these things and fully feeling them with your body are two completely different things. It’s scary though, at least for me. Processing these events means fully admitting that they happened and there isn’t really anything we can do about it. They are so sad and we have to feel that sadness in order to move forward. I’m scared to feel that sadness and fear because what if I slip into a depression? At the same time though I know how healthy it is to grieve and feel my true feelings in the moment, instead of pushing them away because it’s easier to not deal with them.
Then there’s the whole issue I feel about not even being there. Why is it so hard for me to process this event that I wasn’t even at? I should be the one being there for the people in my life who were there and those who suffered loss, but I can’t even get a grip on my own feelings? Since I do go to therapy, I feel that is my time to discuss my feelings and all other times I need to be strong. I’m not feeling strong though. I’m feeling scared and sad and helpless. As bad as I feel, I know others have it worse and, therefore, I don’t feel that my feelings are valid, which makes processing it that much harder. How do you process feelings that you don’t even feel you are allowed to have?
This is such a confusing and difficult time for all of us and I just want to say if you are struggling you are 100% not alone. We are all in this together. I would love to talk to anyone about this because I feel that sharing our emotions is a great first step to healing. I’m sending so much love to everyone who is struggling, everyone who has been affected by the recent events that have taken place, and just everyone in general because I feel the world could use a little more love right now.
Until next time. 💜