Wow has it been a while! I have to apologize for the lack of posting recently but I’ve been making some great steps forward and wasn’t sure how to write about them. I’ve been feeling on the brink of a good progress for a while now but still felt nervous about it and didn’t know how to live in the moment and let it happen.
It all started when I realized a common factor in my life was that I would panic during the car ride to somewhere and then would either have to fight through a panic attack or turn around and go home. I was missing out on things I wanted to do and couldn’t figure out how to conquer this until I found a way to take back control. I realized (with the help of my therapist of course) that one of the reasons I would panic during car rides is because I had this fear that if I was in a really bad place whoever was driving the car wouldn’t listen to me and wouldn’t do what I needed to be done, whether that was to pull over, turn around, etc. After having not driven a car since January, I woke up one day wanting to go out but being nervous that I would panic in the car and decided I should just drive. So I did. I don’t know what compelled me to wake up that day and decide I was ready to drive a car again but I am so glad I did because it has opened the door to progress for me. This past week I have been able to do so much and have gained so much confidence and hope all from driving again. I feel like I have regained control of this aspect that was causing me panic and have learned a great way to use my tools to fight and keep going forward.
Through feeling like I was finally more in control and was finally driving the bus (or car) instead of letting my anxiety drive the bus, I felt able to do things I haven’t felt ready for in a while. I’ve been wanting to volunteer with a mental health organization for a while now and was supposed to start a couple of weeks ago but then slipped into a down point and just couldn’t do it. Well, last Wednesday I was finally able to volunteer with them at one of their events! I would love to sit here and tell you that I did it with no problem but I would be lying. I did have a panic attack on the way there, even though I was driving, BUT this time I was able to push through it and make it to the event to volunteer for two and a half hours. I felt so proud of myself and ready to conquer the next obstacle.
I’ve felt a shift in my perspective and belief in myself lately. Instead of panicking and not wanting to do anything but turn around and go home, aborting whatever mission I was on, I’ve now been able to tap into the part of me that wants to fight the panic and do what I set out to do. This is all so new to me and honestly slightly terrifying, but I’m trying to stay present in the moment and focus on how incredibly good I feel and not fear how long it is going to last.
How have you been feeling lately? I would love to hear how you’ve been doing, good or bad! Send me a message/comment/email whatever you want and let’s chat.
Until next time. 💜