Why I Stopped Writing

So I feel like I owe you all an explanation to why I randomly stopped writing out of no where and disappeared for a while. There are two reasons although one of them held much more power than the other one.

The first and smaller reason is that I have developed tendinitis in my hand/wrist. This has been bugging me since about February and gets aggravated when I type so as part of my attempt to heal it, it was helpful to stop typing. I’m still dealing with pain but it seems to be getting a bit better and I’ve missed writing so I’m giving it a try.

The second and more dominant feeling is that I didn’t know what to write about that would seem real. I felt like that because I was doing good I couldn’t write about it because I didn’t want to be held to a new standard. By publicizing my new “normal” I felt that it would take away my ability to have any bad days. I also felt that if I wrote about the good then the bad wouldn’t seem as important or vice versa. I know, I know it doesn’t really make sense. I’m struggling to find the words to explain the weird thoughts that were going in my brain. I didn’t want to seem fake and for some reason I felt that if I wrote about the good that’s what I would be doing because I still have bad days. I’ve come to realize though with help from others that writing about both the good and bad is important because that’s the truth on what’s happening. I am having more good days than bad days right now and that’s something to celebrate BUT I am still having bad days and that is something to acknowledge. I have a really hard time with growth because I feel like moving forward takes away my right to not be okay sometimes but I’m trying to teach myself that this is anything but true. The bad days will always be there. Sometimes I’ll be able to handle them and sometimes I won’t. That doesn’t mean I need to downplay the good days and that doesn’t mean I can’t ask for help when I need it.

All this to say I was blocked on what to write. As you can tell nothing seemed right to me. I’ve realized that I need to go back to what I said when I started all this and just write what is happening good or bad because that’s what’s real. I’m allowed to be okay and I’m allowed to be not okay and so are you. This is something I need to work on and I feel up for the challenge.

Do you any of you struggle with positive growth? How do you handle it? I would love to hear your thoughts on the topic.

Until next time.