Author: Christine Genta

So I just got my first Therabox and to say I’m obsessed is an understatement! I stumbled across Therabox first on Instagram and immediately fell in love with this company. Therabox is a monthly subscription box filled with all sorts of goodies for self love and care. This month’s theme was Thanks & Giving and is filled with so many wonderful products that promote self care and me-time! I’m going to give you the inside scoop on all the products so you can fall in love with Therabox too! 

I think this gratitude jar from The Happy Shoppe might just be my favorite product from this month’s box. Last November I wrote three things down in my journal every day that I was thankful for and I can’t wait to do the same this year but instead using this cute jar. I love the idea of having one go-to place of all things I’m thankful for, that way when I need a pick me up all I have to do is pick a note out of the jar and be reminded of everything I have to be thankful for. The best part about this is that I can start over for each month. I know this is going to help me focus more on the positive and I can’t wait to put it to use.


If you know my family you know how much we love our games. This game is called Vertellis which means “Tell Us More” in Dutch and is the perfect game for when you want to disconnect from online and connect with those around you. This is the holiday edition and is focused on reflection from the past year and getting to know a deeper level to the people you play with. Communication is the channel that I connect with the most and I am so excited to have the chance to use this game and have some powerful and special conversations with the people in my life. 

Cute socks are my jam! Have you ever been to the sock shop in Santa Cruz? I go every time I’m there and invest in a new pair of cute socks. When I saw these in the box I was so excited. These are mantra grip socks from Toe Talk Mindful and they say inhale and exhale with cute dandelion details. Inhale exhale is something I repeat to myself when I’m having a hard time, so much so I’ve thought about getting it tattooed on my wrist. Sometimes the most basic reminders help us the most and I can’t wait to have this 
reminder on my toes!

The next item in my box is for all my female followers. I don’t know about you but I have heard so much recently about the benefits of using organic and cotton feminine products. I had actually been researching this lately and was so happy to see this Kali box coupon in my box. Kali box is giving a free custom box to those that receive this month’s TheraBox. I have already ordered mine and can’t wait to test these products and take a step towards taking better care of my body. You get to customize your box with the type of products you use and can set it to renew every one, two, or three months. 

Face masks to me are one of the first steps to self-care. I feel like they are something you can do when you need a little relaxation but also don’t have a ton of time on your hands. This face mask is from Maskeraide and is their Bubble Bubble Pop charcoal mask. The best part of this mask is that it is cruelty free, paraben free, and artificial pigment free. I have super sensitive skin so I’m excited to try a product that shouldn’t hurt my skin but help it. This particular mask is called bubble bubble pop because it creates and bubbly and tingly experience when you use it for an extra deep clean. 

There is nothing more important in my opinion than reminding the one’s we love how much we love them and how thankful we are to have them in our lives. I’m lucky enough to have some wonderful people in my life that have stuck by my side through this anxious journey of mine and I was just thinking about how I don’t tell them enough how much I appreciate them. These fill in the love postcards from Knock Knock are the perfect way to do just that. There are a variety of sayings and are a super cute way to remind someone you care. I can’t wait to use mine!

I love some positive motivational quotes. I have a quote journal and am always saving quotes in my phone that make me feel good. I love this pillow case from The Happy Shoppe because now I can have a quote visible at all times. Plus, it incorporates my favorite inhale exhale. This is the perfect mix of style and motivation and mine has already found a home on my bed. Hopefully it will help be remember to stay positive because even the worst times have some good. 

This windy weather has my skin feeling dry and I’m so excited to try this body scrub to add some hydration back into my skin. This face and body scrub from Moni’s Way is a handmade exfoliant that leaves your skin not only exfoliated but hydrated as well. The best part is that it uses pure ingredients that are super safe for your skin. I can’t wait to start using it to help me feel refreshed from head to toe!

This base coat from Ziya Soul is the ultimate helper to keep moisture not only in your skin but your hair as well. Another great product for this dry windy weather we’ve been having in Southern California. All their products are vegan-friendly and non-toxic featuring all natural ingredients. This particular one is the floral blend. The best part about it is that it doesn’t leave a greasy feeling when you put it on. My hair is pretty damaged and I can’t wait to try this to get some moisture and repair back in my hair.

Last but certainly not least is this organic protein bar from Go Macro. This came at the perfect time because I’m currently trying to find healthier snacks as I try to teach myself some better eating habits. This bar is gluten-free, dairy-free, vegan, 100% plant based ingredients, non-gmo, organic, soy free, and kosher! Wow if that’s not healthy I don’t know what is. Of course it’s also quite tasty and makes the perfect snack!

I’m sure by now you can all clearly see why I’m obsessed with TheraBox. If you want to join in on all the self-care goodness you can use my code CDANCE10 for 10% off your first order. Just in time for the holiday boxes which I’ve heard are stacked with all types of wonderful goodies. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!!

Until next time. 💜

So I’m currently in a time of depression and it’s not fun at all. I feel like a broken record when the depression hits again. Yes I was doing great and probably the best I’ve been in a while and now I’m depressed, again. I hate admitting it. I hate saying it to others. I hate that I know it’s happening but I still just have to get through it. There is no quick fix to snap out of my depression, at least that I’ve figured out yet, and that is frustrating. I just feel so small and that every single thing is just the biggest obstacle. I feel like a burden for once again being in a low point. I feel like there’s a limit to how much help I can receive and how long people are willing to put up with me and that every time I sink back into a depression I get closer to that tank running out. I project all the frustration and annoyance at myself for “letting myself get depressed again” onto everyone else and have a hard time believing that anyone wants to just stay by me through all this. 
I’ve had some ideas for new blog posts and have been feeling overall really positive and wanted to share that with you all. Then it stopped and I just don’t have the motivation or the energy to do anything besides take care of myself and work through this day by day. My first instinct when the depression hits is to go into hiding and push everyone away. My family, my friends, even my therapist. I can’t make myself believe any of their love and support isn’t coming from them “having to”. Although I know I can’t just make my depression go away before it runs its course I am trying to make this time different. This blog post is my first step. I’m going to be more vocal about the fact that at the moment I’m not okay and that’s okay. I’m going to ask the people in my life for help and trust that I’m not the burden I think I am. I’m not going to hide when the good went away because mental health awareness is bringing light to the bad. It’s starting the conversation. I may not have the energy to do much but I do have the energy to start the conversation. 
If you’re feeling down, I’m with you. I’m here for you. You are not alone. You are not a burden. You ARE important. You ARE worth it. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and don’t be afraid to say I’m not okay. 

When I had my first panic attack a little over two years ago I thought I was dying. There is no better way to describe it, even though we have no idea what death actually feels like. I couldn’t breathe and I was convinced this was the end. It was scary and horrifying and a tad bit embarrassing. Once you recover and realize you aren’t actually dying and you are actually breathing, it feels like you should have been able to know that in the moment too. However, if you’ve ever experienced a panic attack then you understand this is hardly the case. After the first one happened I never wanted to experience that feeling again. I wouldn’t want anyone to experience that feeling, even my own worst enemy. Unfortunately, though, they kept happening and even more unfortunately, they got worse. If I thought the first one was bad I was mistaken, although at least now I knew what was going on. I always thought, though, that if I had the answer to why something was happening or what something was, then that would make things easier. Once again, if you’ve ever experienced a panic attack you know that with anxiety, depression, and panic having the answers really doesn’t help anything. Yes I know I’m breathing, yes I know this a temporary state, yes it’s still happening and yes I’m still going to panic and be unable to fight it. 

So I’ve been doing really well lately and making a lot of progress. I’ve gained confidence and hope that I will once again be able to live the life I want to live. I’m obviously not there yet but I’ve been able to do more and more things and survive tough situations that have previously seemed impossible. Whenever I’m doing good I tend to not know what to write about in my blog posts. For one thing, I don’t want to seem like I’m bragging about doing well because even through the good days I am almost always struggling with something. The other thing is that I don’t want to be seen as doing well and then not be believed when I’m struggling or fall into a down moment. Basically to sum it up I have a huge fear surrounding making progress. 

With every good day that passes and every bad moment I make it through comes excitement, but that excitement also comes followed by fear that it’s all going to end soon. I feel like I am almost always waiting for the other shoe to drop. It seems impossible that after about two years of my good days being temporary it doesn’t make sense to me that I could actually be breaking down some walls and making a more permanent step in the right direction. I know this doesn’t really make sense, because through every struggle I survive I am adding more tools to my tool kit, so it is almost impossible for me to go back to the bad place I think I’m going to slip into. Yet the fear is still there and stays there. It is not always the forefront of my thoughts, but quite often at the end of the day I sit and wonder if tomorrow will be the day that brings the end of the good days and puts me back into depression. 

I don’t totally know what to do with this fear. I mean obviously I want it gone but it isn’t overwhelming all of my thoughts. Part of me wants to use it as motivation to keep going but then i don’t want the fear of not being okay to be the reason I’m doing okay, because having bad days is inevitable and I don’t want to beat myself up when they do happen. I don’t even know how to fully explain this fear because it seems silly. Why am I afraid of getting what I want? I guess it’s just mainly because for the past two-ish years my sole focus has been on surviving and now that I am capable of not only surviving but doing more I don’t know how to enter this new definition of my daily life. 

Has anyone else ever felt fear surrounding making the progress you’ve been dreaming of making? How did you handle it? I would love to hear any and all advice you would send my way. 

Until next time. 💜

Now that I’ve gotten my mental health somewhat under control, at least in terms of panic attacks and being able to handle my day to day anxiety, I’ve realized just how badly I need to spend some time focusing on my physical health. The problem is I have no idea what to do and I still need to be able to take care of my mental health along the way. When it comes to working out and being healthy I have zero motivation and then when I actually do find motivation I’m so out of shape that I can’t do very much before I’m completely worn out. There are a few things I’m trying to incorporate into my daily life to help me form healthy habits that will hopefully lead me to becoming a healthier version of myself, both mentally and physically. 

1. Watching Calories – Now this is something that I know can not always be helpful. I’m not going to starve myself if I’m hungry but I have no calories left for the day. This is more of a way to hold myself accountable to eat enough each day and also to switch to eating things that are better for me in the long run. I find that I waste so many calories on one food item when I could be having something that is less calories, better for me and will leave me just as full. If anyone has any low calorie food/meals they love, let me know because I could use all the help!

2. Working Out – My biggest problem with working out is that I know I can’t just get up and do an hour yoga class or hour long work out, so then I just don’t. I know this isn’t true, but a very common theme in my life is that i think if I can’t do it all then I shouldn’t do it, instead of just doing what I can and being proud of that. I’m trying to incorporate walking on the treadmill and some basic at home workouts to start getting me back in the swing of things and ready for more intense workouts. I just have to keep reminding myself that something is better than nothing. 

3. Water, Water, Water – This is actually something I thought I would struggle with but substituting water as my number one beverage has been relatively easy for me and helped me find some pride in taking the right steps no matter how big or small. I haven’t cut out all non water beverages completely but I have changed how often I drink them and drink them way less than I was before choosing water as the number one thing I consume each day. 

4. Journal – This one is for my mental health. Whether it’s just writing what I did that day, writing about how I feel, or doing an activity in one of my interactive journals, taking this time for myself each day is so helpful. It allows me to connect with myself and find comfort in being left alone with my mind. It also helps me take those negative thoughts and get them out of my brain before they become overwhelming and turn into panic. 

I know there’s so much more that I could be doing but I usually jump all in and then give up, so this time I thought I would start with small achievable goals and then work my way up. I know this is what I should have been doing all along but this time it feels like something I will actually stick with. I’m hoping that putting this out into the universe will help hold me accountable. If you have any advice/tips to leading a healthier life both mentally and physically I would love to hear them. This is something I’ve always struggled with but I truly feel ready to tackle this and continue to build the better version of myself I’m striving towards. 

Until next time. 💜

I always feel the need to apologize when I haven’t written in forever but then I feel like why should I apologize when it’s my blog and I just write when I have something to write? So basically sorry that I haven’t written in a while but also not sorry because I’m trying to cut back on saying sorry unnecessarily all the time. I’ve been doing really good lately, fighting obstacles that have previously seemed impossible and I wouldn’t even try to fight. For some reason I have a hard time figuring out how to write about the good. I don’t want to seem like I’m bragging and I also don’t want to jinx myself or paint this picture that I’m all better when in reality I’ve just had a few good days in a row. Things haven’t been 100% easy for me, there have definitely been some struggles and rough moments and Xanax, but at the end of the day I’ve had an overall feeling of good. After this feeling lasts for a few days I start to panic. Yup, I panic because I’m feeling good. For one thing I don’t really know what it’s like to feel good for more than one day in a row so making progress is actually this unknown thing. Of course I want it but it is still scary. For another thing I feel like I’m not allowed to have more good days than bad days. Since I’ve been dealt this card I feel like that’s it I’m stuck with anxiety and panic and that’s just life. This is indeed the case but living with anxiety and panic doesn’t have to mean living with crippling anxiety and panic every day of my life. For whatever reason though when I have a string of good days I hit this point where I feel like my luck is up and I start waiting for the other shoe to drop and the crippling anxiety and panic to set back in. 

This is where redefining my roles comes in for me. No matter how many times I say I don’t want other people to define me by my anxiety, which is 100% true, I’m starting to realize that subconsciously I define myself by my anxiety. It’s who I am, it’s what I know. I don’t know how to not be the anxious one. This has come up for me a few different times in a few different ways over the past couple of weeks. I set a role for myself and then don’t think I’m allowed to have any feelings or emotions other than what fit that role. Whether it’s the role of worrier, caretaker, leader, perfectionist, whatever it may be I feel like that is the only option for me and I either participate by being in that role or I don’t participate at all. 

A few examples of some recent cases lately. My younger brother graduated from college two weeks ago and I was terrified of going to his ceremony. An outdoor graduation ceremony is a place full of anxiety triggers for me plus I have so many unresolved feelings of not being able to attend my own graduation ceremony that I didn’t see how going was an option. I also felt that I had to take on the role of leader. I felt that I had to make sure everything ran smoothly and everyone else was okay which ends up taking away from my ability to check in on my own emotions and self which leads to a downward spiral I don’t like experiencing. Due to all these reasons I was pretty set in my decision to not go. My therapist and I ended up spending two whole sessions just talking about this ceremony and everything surrounding it. At one point she asked me why couldn’t I go and just be a background player? To which I replied I honestly don’t know how. I think in truth though I felt like I wasn’t allowed to. I had got it in my mind that I either attend and be the leader or I don’t go at all. Well after lots of conversations with many people I decided to go. I feel like I need to mention that I wanted to go the whole time I just didn’t think it was the smart or right choice. In the end though I made it through the event and didn’t have to take a leadership role which allowed me to be able to check in with my own feelings and emotions. I felt like a new person. 

A week later I attended the funeral for my best friend’s grandmother. I had spent many times with her grandmother and have countless memories with their family, but when it came to the funeral I once again put myself in a molded role. I went to be a supporter emotionally and physically to my best friend and her family. It never crossed my mind that I was there for myself and for them because I only knew how to be in one role at a time. About halfway through the service I completely broke down because it hit me that I was really experiencing this loss too and I was allowed that. I learned that I can be a supporter and still experience my own emotions at the same time. 

One more example is from yesterday. My mom had surgery on her foot and for the past few days I have been a mess. I have continuously worked myself up into a hyper panic over this procedure and had no idea how to be calm or handle any of it. My therapist and I talked about it and I was explaining how I could rationalize things and logistically think of all the reasons that I don’t need to be completely panicked about this but couldn’t convince my body and brain to not be terrified. I once again was placing myself in a role. The role of worrier. At one point I told my therapist I don’t know how to not be the worrier. It’s who I am no matter how strongly my analytical side comes out to play, at the end of the day I worry. She helped me find a way to allow myself to worry without it being a consuming fear and gave me permission to not worry if I wasn’t feeling scared. My feelings won’t affect the universe and if I was feeling like the surgery was going to go smoothly it was okay to feel that. (I sometimes feel like if I don’t worry and then something bad happens it’s my fault because I didn’t think of it before hand.) If you couldn’t figure it out by now I put a lot of pressure on myself in all sorts of situations. 

This is where I’m at right now. I’m trying to break the mold of putting myself in these roles. I’m trying to be present and let myself feel whatever emotions come my way and try not to hold on to them when I don’t need to. I like to think of the movie Inside Out, where all the emotions at the start of the movie are by themselves and Happy won’t let Sadness influence the other emotions. Then by the end of the movie they figure out that memories have multiple emotions intertwined and those are the more real experiences. That is what I’m trying to achieve. Making memories with all emotions that need to be present, present. 

This was a long one and if you made it this far thank you for reading! I hope you all are doing well and making progress in whatever way is right for you. I also need to put a disclaimer that my mom usually edits my blog posts because grammar is not my thing, but since she had surgery she’s not up for it so sorry for the run on sentences! In the words of my mom I tend to write how I talk which is just one long stream of consciousness. 

Until next time. 💜

I just finished reading Hi, Anxiety – Life With a Bad Case of Nerves by Kat Kinsman and loved it. Reading is something that I love to do. I’m always in the

middle of a book, if not multiple books, and feel incomplete when I’m not. Reading books about other people’s experiences with mental health has been one thing that has helped me out a lot throughout my journey so far. Battling an illness can feel so lonely and it’s sometimes easier to just go at by yourself than try to find the words that accurately explain how you’re feeling to others. That’s why I love books like this so much because these authors have found a way to put my feelings into words that I can share with others and have also reassured me that I really am not alone. For me personally something I struggle with is feeling completely unlovable because of my illness in all types of relationships in my life. One of my fears is that I will never find a guy who will love me for me, anxiousness and all. This is one of the reasons I liked this book so much because she shares her episodes of illness with full honesty and truth along with how she handles her relationships. It made me hopeful that one day I’ll meet someone who doesn’t see my illness as a fault and that I am not as much of a burden to the loved ones in my life as I feel like. I don’t want to spoil too much of what Kinsman shares but I thought I would take a moment to share some of my favorite moments so you can get a taste of if this would be a good read for you or not. 

“But it’s a different beast when there’s no solution, no clear cause and effect – when there’s no triggering incident that makes you stop washing your hair because you’re suddenly terrified of getting your head wet.”

“We hunker and hide in fear of being judged imperfect, unlovable, high maintenance, and insane. We do not speak of it.”

 “Prepared? HA! That’s all I do is prepare. That’s what I’m built for. I spend all of my waking moments (and a good chunk of sleeping ones, too) putting hammer, nails, scratched skin, and blood into constructing the worst-case scenario and armoring for battle against it.” 

 “I’m afraid that I’ll relax and have all the calm snatched back because it is not what I’m supposed to get.”

 If you relate to any of these feelings I highly recommend you check this book out. As you can see I related to it so much I even took a highlighter and sticky notes to my copy so I can quickly reference those feelings I feel often and remind myself I’m not alone. If you want a copy for yourself you can find it on Amazon here. Happy reading! 📚

Until next time. 💜

As I explained last week I’ve been feeling on more of an uphill climb into the world of a “normal” human being. With this comes the confusion of feeling good then not good, feeling capable and then needing rest. Basically I have to continuously test and push my limits to see what I’m ready and not ready for. It’s a lot of back and forth and honestly sometimes it can be pretty frustrating but it’s a necessary step in my journey of progress. This weekend I had the chance to volunteer at the Strawberry Festival 🍓🍓which takes place in my hometown every Memorial Day Weekend. This was a pretty big test for myself and my limits. Not only did I commit to four days in a row of doing something, it was also going to be in a place full of triggers for me: crowds, outside weather, set time periods, responsibility. I knew that I could do it for at least one of the events but helping for all four days was going to be a stretch for me so I was a little nervous. The difference between this time around and previous times where I’ve pushed myself is that this time I was full of confidence. I knew I could do this and I wanted to do this so I was willing to do whatever it took to prove to myself that I could. That’s another big difference that I’ve felt in myself recently is that I’m not doing things anymore to prove to others that I’m capable but instead I’m doing them to prove to myself that I am capable and strong. 

Wow has it been a while! I have to apologize for the lack of posting recently but I’ve been making some great steps forward and wasn’t sure how to write about them. I’ve been feeling on the brink of a good progress for a while now but still felt nervous about it and didn’t know how to live in the moment and let it happen.

 It all started when I realized a common factor in my life was that I would panic during the car ride to somewhere and then would either have to fight through a panic attack or turn around and go home. I was missing out on things I wanted to do and couldn’t figure out how to conquer this until I found a way to take back control. I realized (with the help of my therapist of course) that one of the reasons I would panic during car rides is because I had this fear that if I was in a really bad place whoever was driving the car wouldn’t listen to me and wouldn’t do what I needed to be done, whether that was to pull over, turn around, etc. After having not driven a car since January, I woke up one day wanting to go out but being nervous that I would panic in the car and decided I should just drive. So I did. I don’t know what compelled me to wake up that day and decide I was ready to drive a car again but I am so glad I did because it has opened the door to progress for me. This past week I have been able to do so much and have gained so much confidence and hope all from driving again. I feel like I have regained control of this aspect that was causing me panic and have learned a great way to use my tools to fight and keep going forward. 

Through feeling like I was finally more in control and was finally driving the bus (or car) instead of letting my anxiety drive the bus, I felt able to do things I haven’t felt ready for in a while. I’ve been wanting to volunteer with a mental health organization for a while now and was supposed to start a couple of weeks ago but then slipped into a down point and just couldn’t do it. Well, last Wednesday I was finally able to volunteer with them at one of their events! I would love to sit here and tell you that I did it with no problem but I would be lying. I did have a panic attack on the way there, even though I was driving, BUT this time I was able to push through it and make it to the event to volunteer for two and a half hours. I felt so proud of myself and ready to conquer the next obstacle. 

I’ve felt a shift in my perspective and belief in myself lately. Instead of panicking and not wanting to do anything but turn around and go home, aborting whatever mission I was on, I’ve now been able to tap into the part of me that wants to fight the panic and do what I set out to do. This is all so new to me and honestly slightly terrifying, but I’m trying to stay present in the moment and focus on how incredibly good I feel and not fear how long it is going to last. 

How have you been feeling lately? I would love to hear how you’ve been doing, good or bad! Send me a message/comment/email whatever you want and let’s chat.

Until next time. 💜

So I’ve been in this kind of weird place lately, where I feel like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff trying to jump across to safety, but in a good way. Crazy right? Let me explain. I’ve come to the point where it feels like I’m ready to take a big leap in my progress, and through working on conquering these panic attacks that have moved from my mind to my body, I should be moving into the direction of connecting my mind and body and handling my anxiety with more ease. I’m not quite there yet but I can feel it coming, so that’s where I get that feeling of standing on the edge of a cliff. I’m preparing to jump, but I’m not quite ready yet, because I haven’t finished building up my tools to believe that I can successfully make the jump without letting myself fall. I don’t really know if this makes sense to any of you out there, but when my therapist and I had a conversation about this I felt that it perfectly described the unease but hope I am feeling. The best thing I can do for this right now is be gentle on myself and build up that feeling of trust between my mind and body, so I know that if anything goes wrong I will be there to catch myself and keep myself safe. It’s also, in a way, jumping from the cliff of being a child to the cliff of being an adult, because this is the step where I’m really going to be jumping away from the safety of my parents taking care of me and into the comfort of knowing I can take care of myself. It honestly seems so scary, but I know my body wouldn’t be bringing these feelings up if it wasn’t the next step for me to take.