Author: Christine Genta

Posted on by

Progress Update

Wow I don’t know about for you but for me it feels like FOREVER since I have posted on my blog! I super apologize! I was on vacation the week of Thanksgiving enjoying time with family and then after I came back I took a bit of a mental vacation to help ensure that I wouldn’t fall into a post-vacation depression. So much has been going on these past couple weeks and still is, especially with Christmas coming up. I’ve had good days and bad days and everything in between but I feel like I’m overall in a pretty good place and have been making continuous forward progress. That’s what I wanted to share today: two big things that have happened to me over this time that have really helped me understand just how far I have come and that my hard work is worth it. I have been working on both of these things since I started therapy a year and a half ago. You read that right, a YEAR AND A HALF ago and I’m just starting to fully understand and see those concepts come to life. If that isn’t proof that working on yourself takes time and patience then I don’t know what will.
The first thing happened while I was on vacation in NorCal during Thanksgiving break and honestly didn’t even realize I was doing it until looking back at our trip. Up until recently, spur of the moment wasn’t a phrase I used in my vocabulary. Anytime I wanted to do anything I had to think if it was something I could handle, what my plan would be to make it through, what steps can I take to ensure the best chance of making it through, what’s my backup plan, and most importantly what’s my escape plan. All of these things had to be considered and figured out along with evaluating my mood, the environment, the time, and a plethora of other factors. It was exhausting and I’m not saying I don’t ever do this anymore, but when it happens it’s still exhausting. It’s also annoying. Sometimes I would rather just not do anything because it was easier than going through all these steps for a two hour outing. I didn’t trust myself and my tools to just make it through a situation if things got bad for me, so I had to make these plans.
Well, in NorCal I definitely went with the flow for an entire week. We did tons of fun activities and outings that a couple of months ago I have no idea if I would have been able to handle, but that I was able to handle this time with ease. Not only that, I didn’t even think of making my plans. I just went and knew that if something went wrong I could handle it. I trusted myself and my body enough to know when I needed to slow down or take a break, and because of that I was able to do what I wanted to and actually enjoy it instead of constantly checking in with myself. It was such a wonderful feeling. I wasn’t constantly worrying and planning making me spend my time not even enjoying what I was doing. I felt so normal and capable and truly hope that I continue to hold on to this and move away from the days of constant planning and worrying for simple events.
The second thing happened this past weekend and it took me talking about it with my therapist to realize that it was a positive experience. On Saturday morning my parents and I headed to the Harvest Festival in Pomona, which is a craft fair we like to go to every year around Christmas time. I was really looking forward to it and handled the drive and entering the fair with ease. After walking through the first row I started to feel a little off from all the people and the hot temperature. I was able to go outside for a little air and figured I just needed a quick break and then I would be back on my feet. Boy was I wrong. I quickly spiraled into the worst panic attack I have had in a while. I started going through all my tools and tricks but nothing was working. The more things didn’t work that usually help, the more I panicked. The only thing that was going to help was to leave but I didn’t want to leave, plus my Dad had gone to get me a Sprite and the car was parked about a mile away, so leaving right away wasn’t even an option. I felt trapped, scared, and out of control. We eventually got a cart to take us back to our car, but not before they brought the medic to me and I yelled at him to stop doing his job because it was only making things worse (don’t worry, I apologized once I calmed down a little bit). By the time we got to the car I was exhausted, embarrassed, and feeling guilty.
Then Monday came along and I talked to my therapist about all this and she was actually proud of me. She helped me see things in a new perspective. This panic attack was a ten and that’s okay. It’s okay that sometimes the only answer is to leave, but as much as I felt out of control I was actually completely in control of the situation. Usually when I have a panic attack we use the analogy that my anxiety is driving the bus and I’m just a passenger holding on for dear life. This time, however, I was driving the bus and calling the shots. I knew why I was panicking, I knew what tools and tricks to try, I knew when they weren’t working no matter how hard I tried and I needed to leave, I knew that having the medic evaluate me would only push me back into a panic when I was starting to finally calm down, and I knew that in this moment it was going to have to be okay that I was not okay. I know this probably sounds so simple but this was a huge step for me, I was taking care of myself in the moment instead of relying on others to fix my problem. Not only did I take control during my panic attack, but I also took control of my recovery. After I have a panic attack or a bad moment I usually feel that I don’t deserve to recover quickly. I almost punish myself for panicking because I feel that I have to prove to everyone that I really wasn’t okay. This time was different though and instead I wanted to prove that I had a panic attack and that was okay, but I’m going to move on and keep going, which is what I did when I attended a paint night later that evening (after a three hour nap) that I had already scheduled and paid for. At the end of the day, obviously I would have preferred not to have a panic attack, especially one that bad, but I’m thankful that I have been able to flip my perspective and turn this into a positive learning lesson and a chance to grow.

All in all I feel that these past couple of weeks for me have signified huge growth. I’m finally able to put concepts I have been talking about for a year and half into actions and things seem to be clicking in the right way. I know that my work is never done and there’s still so much growth I want to accomplish but I’m trying to take a moment and appreciate how far I’ve come. I would love to hear any types of goals or growth you have accomplished these past couple weeks as well, feel free to share in the comments so we can celebrate together! 

Until next time. 💜
Posted on by

Problem and Solution

From the very beginning of my official diagnosis of anxiety, along with my other issues, I’ve always said the hardest thing is knowing that I’m the problem and the solution, but not knowing how to fix it. It’s such a defeating feeling knowing that everything you need to overcome an issue lies within you, but still not being able to get better. Why am I stopping myself from being okay? Why am I self-sabotaging and telling myself I can’t do something that I know I can? Obviously, over time I’ve learned that I’m not consciously telling myself to not be okay, but that’s what my brain tells me. I have this image in my mind that it should be as easy as snapping my fingers to find the solution to my anxiety. I know I know, you can laugh with me on that one, because I know there is not a solution to my anxiety, it’s more learning how to live with my anxiety and dance with it, creating a relationship.
During my therapy session on Monday, we realized that I have been working with my current therapist for a year and a half now. Don’t even get me started on how fast time flies, but a year and a half later and I’m still struggling with this same concept that I’ve been struggling with since the start. If that’s not an example of having to be patient and really take time to get to know yourself in order to live a better life, then I don’t know what is.
I’ve been wanting to write about this topic since I’ve started this blog, but didn’t know what to say besides complaining on how I can’t fix myself. Well this weekend I had a revelation on this topic, a light switch went off in my head. I took the first steps to being the problem and the solution for myself in a healthy way. On Sunday, after an exhausting two days of Miss Garden Grove pageant work, we decided to go out to lunch for an early birthday celebration for my younger brother. Less than five minutes away from the restaurant I went into panic mode. My body was telling me I couldn’t breathe and that I wasn’t going to be able to make it through the lunch and that the only thing I could do to be okay was to get someone to drive me home right away. Herein lies the problem. Now, I was also thinking I don’t want to mess up this birthday lunch and take a parent away from it with me, but in times past those same feelings wouldn’t matter. Once I started panicking I needed to go home to be okay. This time, however, was different. We got to the parking lot of the restaurant and I was able to sit in the car for a few minutes and talk myself through this. I knew I was exhausted, I also knew that sitting and eating would probably help me more than sitting in the car for another twenty minutes to get home. I knew I had the option to leave if I really needed to and I knew that I wanted to be there. This was my solution. Addressing why I was panicking, creating a plan, and then acting it out knowing that if it didn’t work it wouldn’t be the end of the  world if I truly needed to go home. It did work out, thankfully, but that’s not the point of this post. This whole episode of panic to being okay took place in maximum ten minutes. This is a huge deal for me. I didn’t rely on my parents to fix me and I didn’t jump on the feelings of running away being the only answer. I had a problem and I fixed it, ON MY OWN. I know this sounds so simple, but you guys don’t understand how huge this is for me. For the first time in a long time I feel like I can do this, I can get to a point where I am living the life I want to live even with my anxiety and depression. I can take care of myself through the good and the bad.

I know that just because I had this happen once doesn’t mean I’m set for life but I’m hoping to hold on to this feeling and motivation to remind myself the next time that I may be the problem but I am also the solution and I can do anything I want to. You can do anything you want to too. I believe in me and I believe in you. We can do this.

Until next time. 💜

Posted on by

Happy November

Happy November friends! November officially starts the holiday season in my mind and this is one of my favorite times of year. Between Thanksgiving, Christmas, and my birthday I enjoy getting to spend so much time with my loved ones and creating new memories. November especially is a time to give thanks for our lives and what makes them special. I’ll be honest with you though most days it is very hard for me to focus on the positive and not the negative, but like I mentioned in my last post I am trying to focus more on what makes me happy and living in the moment. I think November and the holidays are the perfect time for this and am hoping the holiday spirit will help me be able to find the positive in all aspects of my life. I’m personally going to participate in the 30 days of thankfulness whether it’s in my blog, social media, or personally in my journal. I really want to spend this month focusing on what I am grateful for and learning to appreciate even the smallest things, hoping that doing this will help me find my true happiness going forward. If you would like to join me in doing this for November I would love to hear some things you are thankful for if you feel like sharing. I’m going to kick it off and share what I’ve decided to focus being thankful on for today.
I’m thankful for:
  • The love and support of my family and friends through the good times but especially for sticking with me through the bad
  • My cat who somehow always knows when I need an extra cuddle
  • My therapist who always makes me feel validated and normal (I know it’s her job but still)

I know these first few days will be easy for me because there are obvious things I’m thankful for but I’m honestly nervous to keep this going for an entire month, but I am up for the challenge!
I hope you all had a Happy Halloween and have a great start to the holiday season!

Until next time. 💛
Posted on by

What Makes You Happy?

The other day I was talking to my therapist and she asked me something along the lines of what makes you happy? Later in the day, I was still thinking about this and thought maybe it would be a good topic to write about some day. That night, I started watching Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and in the first episode the main character changes her life after seeing an ad for butter that asks what makes you happy. After watching this, I knew it was a sign that this was a topic I needed to write about. So here we go.
It’s such a simple question, but at the same time it’s such a difficult one to answer. As I think about it, I can think of many things that make me happy: reading, writing, hanging out with my family, friends and cat, cross-stitching, among other things. Then I started thinking, is this really what this question is asking? I mean all those things do make me happy, but it’s an in-the-moment happiness that goes away when I finish the activity. Not that these things aren’t important, and this happiness isn’t important as well, but what makes me truly happy in a lasting way? What makes me feel like a better person? What makes me smile and continues to make me smile? Hanging with my family, friends, and cat is something that definitely does this, but then what can I do on my own that gives me lasting happiness? How can I create this good-for-my-soul happiness?

Then my mind took a whole different turn. Maybe I was overthinking happiness, and instead of questioning what makes me happy I should just do things and see what happens. Then I was even more confused, and I still am. Happiness is honestly such a weird concept to me and I don’t even really know where to go to resolve all of this. I’m starting to learn that I think happiness comes in the moments where my worry goes away. I think that I struggle so much with this  concept right now because my definition is changing and what makes me happy is also changing.

I volunteer for the Miss Garden Grove Organization, being in charge of the princess program. I can honestly say when I’m working with these princesses I am truly happy. It doesn’t matter what type of week I’m having, what my brain is telling me, what I’m worrying about, when I walk in and get to work with these girls everything goes away and I enjoy the moment. Maybe my problem with finding what makes me truly happy is that I am rarely living in the moment because I am constantly in worry. I think that if I were able to better live in the moment than I could start finding happiness in more things and hopefully become an all-around happier person.
I used to think that when it came to my career I just wanted to be the boss lady, that it didn’t really matter what I was doing as long as I was a strong successful business woman. I am starting to realize how incredibly wrong I was. I now know that I want to help people in life. That it doesn’t matter if I’m the boss or not, I’ll be happy as long as I am helping others and making a difference.

I went to bed last night without posting this because I just wasn’t quite sure if I was satisfied with this post. Then when I woke up this morning I opened my daily quote app and found this quote from Fredrick Koeing and realized this is exactly what my post was missing.

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather or recognizing and appreciating what we do have.”


So this is where I’m at right now. Trying to figure out how to find happiness in all things big and small. If you have any advice or comments on the topic, or just want to chat please don’t hesitate to reach out whether I know you or don’t. 

Until next time. 💜

Posted on by

How Do We Process Tragedy?

I know there are a lot of people like me out there who are still trying to process the tragic events that have recently taken place. From the Las Vegas shooting to the California fires, not to mention all the other things that aren’t directly affecting me, there is so much sadness in our world right now. I am really struggling with how to process it all, especially the shooting. I know we all process things differently but I’m still hoping we can help each other out, because I for one don’t even know where to start. How do you even begin to process something that doesn’t feel real? How do we process something that we will never understand why it happened? How do we process something we will never really have the answers for? How do we do it?
I’ve been telling myself that I’ve been processing everything and handling it to the best of my ability, but honestly I’m beginning to think these are just empty thoughts. Thinking these things and fully feeling them with your body are two completely different things. It’s scary though, at least for me. Processing these events means fully admitting that they happened and there isn’t really anything we can do about it. They are so sad and we have to feel that sadness in order to move forward. I’m scared to feel that sadness and fear because what if I slip into a depression? At the same time though I know how healthy it is to grieve and feel my true feelings in the moment, instead of pushing them away because it’s easier to not deal with them.
Then there’s the whole issue I feel about not even being there. Why is it so hard for me to process this event that I wasn’t even at? I should be the one being there for the people in my life who were there and those who suffered loss, but I can’t even get a grip on my own feelings? Since I do go to therapy, I feel that is my time to discuss my feelings and all other times I need to be strong. I’m not feeling strong though. I’m feeling scared and sad and helpless. As bad as I feel, I know others have it worse and, therefore, I don’t feel that my feelings are valid, which makes processing it that much harder. How do you process feelings that you don’t even feel you are allowed to have?
This is such a confusing and difficult time for all of us and I just want to say if you are struggling you are 100% not alone. We are all in this together. I would love to talk to anyone about this because I feel that sharing our emotions is a great first step to healing. I’m sending so much love to everyone who is struggling, everyone who has been affected by the recent events that have taken place, and just everyone in general because I feel the world could use a little more love right now.

Until next time. 💜
Posted on by

Heartbroken for Vegas

I’m still, like so many others, trying to process what happened in Vegas last night. It seems so unreal that someone would want to hurt and kill so many innocent people. I was just hanging out on Sunday night when I opened my Facebook and saw a friend post that she was okay but she was next to someone who had been shot. I had no idea what was going on and quickly took to Twitter and turned on the news. I was immediately enveloped in fear, terror, and sickness. Why, why, why? How? I can’t grasp it. I stayed up for hours watching and reading coverage. My heart broke over and over again. It broke for everyone there who was part of this tragedy whether they were witnesses, injured, or tragically lost their lives. It broke for the loved ones of the concert goers. It broke for the city of Vegas. It broke for our world. 


My heart also broke for the mental heath world trying to break the stigma. This was a terrorist attack plain and simple in my opinion. I write this blog proudly wearing my label of suffering from a mental illness but after last night my fear has grown to so much more than a fear of crowds. I’m scared people will group those with a mental illness in with this terrorist. I’m scared that people will look at me with my mental illness label and wonder if I’m capable of acts of violence. I’m scared that people will be looked down upon for suffering from something out of their control because of what this man did. I’m just scared. 
I’m sending all my love to Vegas, the victims, the witnesses, their loved ones, the mental health community, and the world. Praying we can use this horrible act of violence to come together and spread love not hate. 

Until next time. 💔
Posted on by

Trust Yourself

So I’m not really a fan of the saying “trust your gut” because, well, my gut doesn’t really seem like something with knowledge. I much prefer the saying “trust your instinct”. If there is one thing that I have learned from therapy, and is something that I continuously have to work on, it’s my ability to trust myself. Since I tend to have a lot of self-doubt, I also have a large inability to trust that my instinct is right.
This is especially a problem when I’m going through a down period. When I’m suffering from my depression or my anxiety, part of coping is understanding that my brain is lying to me, but at the same time I need to take care of myself and trust my body enough to know what I need. How do I trust myself when I’m lying to myself at the same time? How do I know which thoughts are the positive helpful ones and which thoughts are the negative sabotaging ones? I tend to fight my instincts and what my body is telling me it needs because I don’t feel that I can trust that is what I really need and it isn’t what my anxiety/depression want.
It’s so difficult and it’s a concept that I struggle with daily. Unfortunately, I tend to have low self-esteem for a variety of reasons and because of this the doubt comes out really strong. I don’t know if this is equally a problem for people who wholeheartedly believe in themselves, but all I know is this is something I have to work on.
Once I can learn to trust myself, my self-doubt should decrease which should help with my inner critic problems and a variety of others. I’m trying so hard to listen to my body and trust my instinct, but it’s hard. I know in most cases the first step is always the most difficult, but for me in this instance I find consistency to be the most difficult part of fighting this. I’ll have a good day where I trust my body and can see the positive results from doing that and then the next day it’s a brand new concept all over again. I’ve seen the positives that come from believing in myself and I’ve even experienced great moments that have come from completely trusting that I know what is best for me. This is what I’m really focusing on right now, learning how to trust myself day in and day out. It’s something I want to do even though it is extremely difficult for me and I’m hoping practice will help turn it into a habit.

If anyone has any advice or experience with this I would love to hear your thoughts!

Until next time 💜
Posted on by — 2 Comments

Why Me?

I don’t know about you, but when I am feeling down and anxious it is so incredibly easy to throw myself a pity party. It’s not that I want to, it’s just what my brain is telling me to do and I don’t have the energy to fight it. My pity party always takes the form of “why me” statements. Just an example of a few:
  • Why is this happening to me?
  • Why do I need to stay home and work on myself while other people who have anxiety are leading normal lives?
  • Why doesn’t my progress always stay?
  • Why do I have to fight the same battles more than once?

These are just a few of the thousands of thoughts that cross my mind during one of my pity parties. They are so unhelpful, but yet when I’m already down I really struggle with fighting them. They consume me and then I start to believe that I am incapable of getting better and that I’m just incredibly unlucky.
Wow, how annoying right? Even just writing this is embarrassing, because at this moment these thoughts seem so juvenile and negative. I don’t know why anyone would want to put up with me during these times, so I’m forever grateful for those who do.
I found this quote I like that goes:

“Instead of saying why me, say try me.”

 
I absolutely love this quote, but if I didn’t say it was hard I would be lying. I can do it now that the moment of my pity party has passed and I’m feeling strong and empowered, but when I’m in those low moments this quote seems like a joke. It’s hard to get out of those low moments when your brain is almost celebrating them and cheering them on. I’m trying to get better at decreasing the time I am in a low state of mind and I think fighting my rush to throw myself a pity party is the first step. Going forward, I’m going to try as hard as I can to turn my “why statements” into “try statements”.

I don’t really know where else to start with fighting this besides self-talk, so I would love any advice or suggestions on how to better believe in myself during these down times, instead of feeling sorry for myself. I also know a lot of this comes from my inability to trust myself, but I’ll save that conversation for next week’s blog post.  

Until next time. 💜
Posted on by

Panic Disorder

When I first started out with my therapist I was pretty blind to what panic disorder was, well along with everything else I was going through. I simply thought that panic attacks were a part of having anxiety. I didn’t realize there was a whole other being that made up panic disorder. To help me truly understand what it’s like to have this, my therapist lead me to a site called Centre for Clinical Intervention. This site has different modules to help you understand your feelings and going through the panic disorder one was like a light bulb going off in my head. I highly encourage you to check out this website and go through the modules, especially if you are someone who suffers from these illnesses. In the meantime, though, if you don’t have time to check out the modules for yourself I want to summarize some of my favorite takeaways to help better explain what living with panic disorder is really like.
I think the most important thing to start off with is giving a better definition of what panic disorder is. The most common definition is the persistent fear of having a panic attack. This is what makes it different from general anxiety and panic attacks. This is getting worked up over a panic attack before it even happens. I saw this in myself so much. I would avoid situations that I had panicked in before because I was afraid that I would panic again. It didn’t matter that every day was a new day, I wanted to avoid that situation because I wanted to avoid having a panic attack. Panic attacks are no fun, so why would I want to willingly put myself in that situation? I could work myself so much over just the fear of panicking that I would end up having a panic attack. It’s a lose-lose situation in my opinion. There was never the option of being able to make it through the situation it was always the fear that if I went through with this I would have a panic attack.
For those of you who have never had a panic attack, I’m going to list some of the symptoms so you can hopefully have a better understanding of why it is something that can cause so much fear in one’s mind.

  • Racing/Pounding Heart
  • Sweating
  • Shaking
  • Difficulty breathing/Shortness of breath
  • Chest Pain
  • Feeling like you’re going to faint
  • Tingling/numbness
  • Drastic body temperature changes
  • Feeling detached from  your body
  • Thoughts of losing control/going crazy
  • Fear of dying

So when anywhere from one to all of these symptoms are occurring in a matter of seconds it has a lasting effect not only on your body but on your mind.
One of the things this website talks about to help deal with having panic disorder is the ABC’s and how to analyze them. I found this extremely helpful in looking at a situation I was truly terrified of, whether past or future, and helping me understand what I was feeling and hopefully why I was feeling that way.
*Disclaimer*: These are not my findings they are the findings of the Centre for Clinical Intervention, I do not take credit for any of these thoughts, I just felt the need to share them. 
Analyzing ABC’s
A stands for the activating event. This represents a situation in which you experienced strong anxiety or panic attack.
Once you have a situation in mind (it may help to write it down) you can identify the consequences or the C‘s. This could be your feelings, physical symptoms, or actions/behaviors. The goal of this part is to rate the intensity of the emotion during this situation and choose one that most accurately describes your feelings during that single experience.
Then you move on to the B which stands for beliefs. To me this is the hardest part. This is the self-talk phase to further figure out what you were thinking during this panic and what you say/said to yourself in response to it. Then after you have a list of thoughts, you figure out which one matches the core emotion that you felt.

The goal of doing the ABC’s is to discover what thoughts are causing your anxiety in the moment. Do you truly feel like you can’t do something or are you feeling overwhelmed by the amount of people and your mind is covering that up by telling you that you can’t do it. It’s a hard practice and I am still struggling to figure out what thoughts are the cause of my issues. It takes practice and work but I truly feel that it can be beneficial, especially in the beginning stages of figuring out why you feel like you can’t breathe all the time. 

Have you experienced panic disorder? How do you prepare to cope with possible trigger situations? I would love to hear your thoughts!

Until next time 💜
Posted on by

An Inside Look

I feel like when I write my posts I tend to take on a positive tone even when I’m talking about my times of depression. I wanted to do something a little different and show you all what my thoughts are like when I’m really struggling. I don’t want your pity or anything, I just want to show you how it is for me on my bad days. How depression is real, and how my thoughts turn negative when it’s a rough day. I found some entries I wrote in my journal from some really bad days I have had and thought I would share them. I wanted to give an example of the true thoughts that run through my mind during the bad days to show you what people with a mental illness have to overcome on a daily basis.

Just a disclaimer, this is really vulnerable and completely out of my comfort zone. I have an easy time sharing my progress and my good days or even reflecting back on my bad days but this is different. This is an inside look into exactly what my brain was going through during a depression. These were the thoughts I was fighting and these were the thoughts that I had to learn to tell myself were lies. Just to note, these entries were from about a year ago when things were really bad so these thoughts aren’t as constant any more, but there are definitely days when they return. This is hard for me and it’s almost embarrassing to admit that I’ve even ever thought things like this but I feel it’s important to share them with you.
“I’m scared. I don’t know what to do. I don’t feel like myself. I feel stuck. I feel lost. I don’t get why this has to happen to me. I feel weak and defeated. I want help. I want answers. I want justification. I want to be better. I want to be happy. I want to be back to normal. I want to function properly. I feel broken and confused. I feel crazy. I feel guilty. I feel embarrassed. I don’t know how to help myself. I don’t know how to motivate myself to get better. I’m frustrated and mad. I don’t want to feel like this but I don’t know how to change. What do I do?”
“I don’t want to be like this anymore. I don’t want to feel this way. Every time I think I’m doing okay my body is right there laughing at me trying to do stuff. How do I love myself when I’m my biggest enemy? How do I have friends when I can’t even get myself to leave the house. I’m 23 years old and I’m scared all the time. I hate being alone but there are times when here is no other choice. When will it all be okay? When will I be okay? I don’t even know what that feels like anymore. I don’t like this version of myself. I’m trying to accept that it is just a bump in the road and I just needed to slow down but how do I know when I’m capable to speed back up? How do I know it won’t just happen again? How do I deal with it now? How do I deal with it in the future? I just want to move on from this and get on with living my life.”

Like I said earlier, even though these were written about a year ago, there are definitely still days now where I could have easily written the same thing. My depression brings thoughts of the same kind, usually filled with fear and self-doubt. As much as I hate looking back and knowing that there are days that I felt like this, in a weird way it is also nice to be able to read these thoughts. I can look at them and see the lies and hopefully use that to help me better prepare for the next time they may come invading my brain. They also help me see how far I’ve come, because even though these thoughts still sometimes cross my mind, they have become so temporary compared to the permanent residence they used to hold. I highly encourage anyone going through mental illness, or just anyone in general, to keep a journal. Write in it every day, once a week, once a month, or just whenever you feel the need, but write in it. There is something so helpful to being able to read back how you were feeling, especially at a time when you didn’t particularly feel in control.

Until next time. 💜